A Shoulder to Cry On
by trace619
Summary: Olivia has just found out her mother has died. Who does she turn to in her moment of need? Will she be able to cope with her unresolved issues with her mother? A one-shot based off of the episode Taken.


**A/N: I own nothing, characters belong to Dick Wolf. I watched this episode the other day and this story just came to me. I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

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The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day but it did nothing to improve Olivia's mood. She walked down the street not even sure where she was going, she was numb. Her mother was dead and she just couldn't begin to make sense of it. When she finally stopped she was surprised to find herself in front of Alex's office door. She wasn't even sure how she ended up there but before she knew it she was knocking on the ADA's door.

Alex smiled "Detective, what can I do for you?"

Olivia walked into the office and Alex shut the door behind her. They stood in silence for a moment "I…uh…umm…" Olivia couldn't seem to find the words to say anything.

Alex's smile faltered, something was definitely bothering the detective. Alex desperately wanted to pull Olivia into her arms and hold her but she didn't, she knew she couldn't push Olivia. They had only been dating a few weeks but she had already learned Olivia didn't open up to many and when she did it would be in her own time. She took Olivia's arm and guided her over to the sofa. Alex slid closer once they had sit down, she ducked her head to try and look Olivia in the eye "Olivia?" When the brunette looked up Alex had to bite back her tears at the emotion she saw in Olivia's eyes "What's wrong?"

"My Mom died." As soon as the words left her mouth Olivia broke down. She couldn't understand why she was upset, she and her mother had never had the best relationship so it surprised her how upset she was.

"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry." Alex said as she carefully wrapped her arm around Olivia's shoulder. Alex knew she was breaking their rule of remaining professional at work but she couldn't help it, just seeing the detective crying broke her heart. Alex reached out with her free hand and squeezed Olivia's "When? How?"

Olivia took a deep breath "Today. She was drunk and she fell down the subway stairs." She took a deep breath and began wiping her tears when she realized Alex was holding her "Alex I'm sorry I don't know why I'm here. I'll go I'm sure you have more important things to do than to baby me." She stood to leave but Alex was already standing next to her.

"Olivia I have nothing more important right now than making sure you're okay." Olivia looked at her skeptically "I'm serious Olivia, and I'm not babying you I want to be here for you."

Olivia could see sincerity in Alex's eyes "Why Alex? We've only been seeing each other what three, four weeks?"

Alex stepped closer and smiled "Four to be exact." This earned a small smile from the detective. Alex slowly wrapped one arm around Olivia's waist before using her other hand to gently wipe her tears. "Olivia I know we may not have been together long but I'm here for you. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I wasn't?" Alex froze, they had yet to define their relationship or refer to the other as a girlfriend.

That one word briefly pulled Olivia from her sadness. She looked at Alex and felt a smile tugging at her lips "Alex did you just say you're my girlfriend?"

Alex looked everywhere in the room before finally looking Olivia in the eye "Yes I did, and Olivia I didn't mean to upset or scare you. I understand it may be a little soon but I really like you and I plan on being around for a long time." Alex couldn't believe she had just told Olivia everything she did but if she was being honest it scared her how much she already cared for the detective.

how much she already cared for the did but if she was being honest it sThe honesty that was reflecting in Alex's eyes caused Olivia's breath to catch. "Well I hope you're around for a long time, and I happen to like the idea of being called your girlfriend." Olivia leaned in and placed a light kiss on Alex's lips. In that moment she suddenly felt all the emotions from the day beginning to crash down on her. She felt the tears as they began sliding down her cheeks.

Alex could taste Olivia's tears; she pulled back and looked at the brunette "Come here." Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia and pulled her tight against her and began running her hand up and down her back "It's okay sweetie, let it out."

With those words Olivia felt the dam break "My Mom is dead Alex! What am I gonna do?"

It killed Alex to see the normally strong detective breaking down. She guided them over to the couch and sat down. She smiled inwardly when she felt Olivia lay her head on her shoulder. Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair and held her tight as Olivia continued to sob. "I'm sorry Liv, I'm so sorry."

"Alex I'll never get the answer to so many questions. I understand why she had a hard time looking at me; I mean I was a daily reminder of the worst day of her life. So I understand why she kept me at arm's length." Olivia struggled to wipe her tears as she snuggled further into Alex's embrace. "I'll never get answers to any of my questions; like why did she keep me, why did she always treat me the way she did. Most importantly, did she ever love me?"

"Oh Olivia." Alex didn't understand how Olivia felt, she had parents who loved her and supported her. She didn't know how it felt to be abused, looked down on, rejected. Even though they had only been dating about a month, knowing how Olivia had been treated made Alex even more committed to showing Olivia how much she meant to her. It was still early but Alex already knew she was falling for the detective. "Olivia I don't know how to answer those questions but I do believe your mother loved you."

"How Alex? How could she love me? Granted we had a few good times but for the most part it was miserable. Alex she was raped and got pregnant with me, every time she looked at me she had to relive that moment."

It broke Alex's heart to hear about Olivia's childhood. She remembered the night Olivia had told her about her mother and how she was conceived. She had invited Olivia over for dinner and after a little too much wine Olivia began telling Alex about her life. That night after Olivia had gone home Alex lay in bed and cried. It broke her heart to think that someone as caring and selfless as Olivia had to endure a childhood like that.

"Olivia she may not have been the best mother in the world but I do think she loved you." Olivia looked up from where she was resting her head on Alex's shoulder. Her expression was one of surprise and confusion. "I know you probably don't believe me but I think she did. I mean she kept you didn't she? If she didn't love you why did she keep you?"

"In case you forgot abortion was illegal back then, so she really didn't have a choice."

"Yes she did Olivia; she could've given you up for adoption. She didn't have to keep you but she did. I know she didn't show it very well but I think deep down she did love you she just didn't know how to show it."

Olivia considered the idea that her mother did love her. While she didn't agree completely with Alex, she did have a point. Olivia thought of the few good times she and her mother had. Christmas's were usually the best until her mother decided to hit the bottle, but she would try and hold off until at least that night. Birthdays she would make an effort but now that Olivia was an adult she could admit it would be hard to celebrate the result of the worst day of your life. She wasn't sure how long she had been wrapped in Alex's arms but for the first time since Cragen had called her into his office she was feeling better. "Alex?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

Olivia sighed "Is it wrong of me to feel a little bit relieved that she's gone? Does that make me a bad daughter?"

Alex was quiet as she thought over her response "No Olivia I don't think it makes you a bad daughter. I think it means you're human. You and your mother have had a rocky relationship and I think you're relieved not because she is dead but because you no longer have the constant worry and strain your relationship has caused. In a way you are free now, and so is she. Olivia as difficult as your life has been it's made you into the person you are today. You are this wonderful, kind, caring person who does her best to make sure that people like your mother get the help they need and deserve."

Olivia sat up and wiped her tears "Thank you Alex, you have no idea how much this has meant to me."

"No need to thank me, I'm glad I could be here for you." She gave Olivia a light kiss "I'm also glad you came to me."

Olivia chuckled "I didn't realize I was coming to you I just started walking and somehow ended up here. I'm glad I did though."

Alex accompanied Olivia to the restroom so they could both freshen up before walking back to the blonde's office. "Do you need any help with arrangements or anything?"

Olivia shook her head "I haven't even considered that yet. I'll figure something out."

"Well I'm more than willing to help you if you need it." She placed her hand on Olivia's cheek and smiled when Olivia leaned into the touch. "How about tonight you come over to my place? I can order in and we can talk or whatever, if you want to just sit in the dark and cry we can do that too. I just want to be there for you."

"Thank you." Olivia whispered as she pulled the younger woman in for a hug. They stood there for a few minutes just holding one another "Alex whatever I decide for the services will you be there?"

"Of course I'll be there Olivia."

Olivia pulled back so she could look Alex in the eye "No I mean will you be there with me? Will you sit beside me?" Alex looked surprised so Olivia continued "I know we've not told anyone we work with about us but I don't want to hide it any longer. I'll understand if you don't want to, really I will but if you're not ready for that could you at least be there with me as a friend?"

Alex smiled bright enough to light up even the darkest room "I'd love nothing more than to sit by your side; I don't want to hide us any more either. Whatever you decide for the services I'll be right there beside you holding your hand."

"I really should be getting back to work." She noticed the look on Alex's face. "I'm fine to go back to work Alex, really. I just needed some time to think and clear my head. I need to work I need something to keep my mind occupied, but I would like to take you up on that offer for this evening. I'll just have to run to my apartment and get a change of clothes for tomorrow." She leaned in for a kiss and smiled as they parted "Again Alex, thank you. Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on."

"You'll always have one as long as I'm around." Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's one last time. "Be careful and I'll see you this evening."

"I'll see you this evening." Olivia said as she walked out of Alex's office. As she rode the elevator down and made her way out onto the street Olivia could still feel the sadness that the news of her mother's death had brought, but she also felt hope. A hope that everything would be okay, a hope of a new life, and a knowing that as long as she had Alex she would be okay.


End file.
